


Kristoff's Guide To The Perfect Hen Night

by letsgetalittleseethrough



Series: Kristoff's Guide To Helping Honeymaren In Matters Of Love [2]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Friendship, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21720913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsgetalittleseethrough/pseuds/letsgetalittleseethrough
Summary: Kristoff gets up from the sofa and grabs Honeymaren by the shoulders. "-the point is that your wedding is tomorrow and you know what we're gonna do tonight? We're gonna have So. Much. Fun."God help me, Honeymaren thinks.-Sequel to Wingmanning.
Relationships: Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Series: Kristoff's Guide To Helping Honeymaren In Matters Of Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565503
Comments: 10
Kudos: 175





	Kristoff's Guide To The Perfect Hen Night

**Author's Note:**

> this is set after Wingmanning... how long after? How ever long you imagine it'll take for Elsa and Honeymaren to get engaged (I'm open to suggestions) :))

"You know what Elsa and I did the night before I got married?"

Honeymaren doesn't look up from her book. "Elsa got a statue erected in your honour? And you bowed down in gratitude because she's amazing?" 

(It's not really all that rude, really, to not look up. She suddenly has access to the Queen of Arendelle's entire library - who can blame her for being engrossed?)

Kristoff snorts. "I wish. No - _you know what we did_?"

There's a slightly hysterical tone to his voice now, and this time Honeymaren does look up from her book

"It's the night before I get married, and I'm picturing, you know, not a _big_ celebration or anything 'cause I'm not that sort of guy, but, you know, something - and she says, she says, 'Let's practice your wedding speech'!"

He holds his hands out as if to say, " _See?_ "

"Did it go well?"

Kristoff blinks at her. "What?"

"Your wedding speech! Did it-"

"Not the point!" Kristoff interrupts. "The point is - the point is-" He gets up from the sofa and grabs Honeymaren by the shoulders. "-the point is that your wedding is tomorrow and you know what we're gonna do tonight? We're gonna have So. Much. Fun."

_God help me_ , Honeymaren thinks. 

\---

"Step one!" Kristoff announces, leading Honeymaren through the castle and to a door she hasn't seen before, "we're gonna have a shower!"

"Uh…"

Kristoff's cheeks turn red. "Not together! Not together! I just- damn, this is already going wrong- I just really like showering, OK? I didn't used to, but now I do, and I think it'll start our day off perfectly!" 

"Uh… Kristoff?"

Kristoff's smile falters. "It's a bad idea, sorry, that's fine, Sven said I should have come up with somethi-"

"What's a 'shower'?"

"Oh boy," Kristoff says, once he's had a minute to process that, "you are in for a _treat_ , lemme tell you."

\---

"So? How was it?"

Honeymaren casts for a way to say, "It took me 15 minutes to figure you that you had to pull the chain, and anyway I've had more water pour down on me as rainfall than happened with your 'shower', though the soap smelt nice", but she puts on a smile and says, "It was an experience…"

"New technology," Kristoff says proudly, as if he invented it. "Only the best for Arendelleian royalty."

"What now?" Honeymaren asks. She wonders if, with how things are going, the night will end in a bath - Elsa often talked about how she preferred bathing in the sea to 'having a bath', whatever that meant. 

Kristoff points a finger to the sky (or, rather, the intricately painted ceiling.) 

"Step two! We sneak into the kitchen and eat some chocolate!"

"That's… that's step two?"

He waggles the same finger at her. "It'll be a fun game! We can judge each other on how stealthy we are!"

Honeymaren resists the urge to run to Elsa immediately and just get married in secret. But no - Elsa is having a good time with Anna (no doubt also eating chocolate.) And tomorrow she will be able to call her her "wife".

And it's with those good thoughts in mind that Honeymaren says, "You've got a deal."

\---

_Firstly,_ Honeymaren thinks, _Kristoff has the distinct advantage of actually knowing where the kitchen is._

"It's the third door down if you leave from the left-hand-side door from the dining room," Kai tells her as she walks past him trying to act like she's not up to something.

And, well, all Kristoff really implied was that they had to grab the chocolate without being seen, so _surely_ that's not cheating. 

"Ah," the cook says, when Honeymaren's taken about one step into the kitchen, "you are here to learn how to make the soup for your wife-to-be? She does love soup, you know." 

Honeymaren squeaks out a, "yes", and after chopping vegetables for five minutes the cook breaks out into laughter, puts a hand on her shoulder and says, "if you're looking for the chocolate, it's in the highest cupboard. I've kept it there since Elsa and Anna were small - taught them to stop sneaking around for it whilst I was juggling hot pans or sharp knives. Go. Take it. You make Elsa very happy."

_Is everyone in this castle a mind-reader?_ Honeymaren wonders, as she takes the bar down from the cupboard. 

"No way!" Kristoff gasps, as she enters the living room where they agreed to meet. "I got turned away the second I set foot in there! How did you do it?"

"I have skills," Honeymaren deadpans, breaking off a piece of chocolate for him. "Here, a consolation prize."

  
  


Kristoff's frown evaporates as he pops into his mouth. "Shelp fee!" he garbles around it, "we go and watch the night sky!"

"You like looking at the stars?"

He looks a little embarrassed, but Honeymaren doesn't think he should be. "Yeah. I'm an 'outside' kinda guy. It's the thing I miss most about before I starting living here with Anna- and living with her is great, don't get me wrong- but, yeah. I like looking at the stars."

"I can point out the my ancestors living in the stars," Honeymaren says.

"And I'll show you the Gods of the trolls," Kristoff replies, smiling.

\---

They talk about their family's ancient beliefs for a while, until, once they have lapsed into a comfortable silence, Kristoff blurts out in the dark, "Man, I really hope you don't forget your speech tomorrow…"

Honeymaren laughs. "I don't think there's anything more ingrained in me than those words! The pressure of marrying royalty!"

"Yeah. But it's worth it though."

_Yes,_ Honeymaren thinks _, as dawn begins to break, yes it is._

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Say hi on Tumblr! I'm staywithmetiltheend :))


End file.
